What Makes Me.

There really isn't a simple way to go about trying to express everything that I am feeling right now. So, I find myself coming back to the blog that literally frustrated me out of my mind this summer. Every time over this summer that I tried to blog, I found myself not having the proper words for expression of what I was feeling or what I was experiencing at the time. So, maybe I wasn't supposed to blog to put it all over the internet. Maybe it wasn't really able to be expressed.

But now I'm back at school. And, I am still feeling so much. Different feelings and in a different way. Yet I'm feeling it regardless. I have to, or else I will cease to function.

What is the world, lately? Sometimes I forget how much the world changes when I'm not paying attention. [Then of course, there is the retort that I change a lot when the world isn't paying attention, but that's just an unnecessary touche.] My world this summer was completely different than anything else I'd ever experienced before. And now my world is so different than anything I've ever experienced. Even though it's still so much the same. Maybe the key is that I have changed so the world in which I live is being viewed in a different way.

Change is like the paradox of the universe. No one wants change, generally, but we all need it more than we are ever willing to admit. We needed to leave our parents' homes (whenever we did, or whenever we will), we all needed to meet all the people here that we met. And as much as I hate it, and probably other people do too, we needed to switch back and forth between the life that we have at home and the life we have at school. It's so that we can fully appreciate the things of both. There's things about being at school that are so fantastic it's unreal. Then there's things and people at home that are so perfect for me and my life that it blows my mind with unreality. Sometimes I step back and realize how ridiculously blessed I am in BOTH worlds in which I live, and I'm pretty damn overwhelmed.

Maybe there are things that piss me off sometimes. Things that kind of make me feel like the world is ending, or that I never did anything so awful to deserve the things that are happening to me. (That sounds way more dramatic written down than it did in my head.) But, the thing is, all of those things MAKE me. All these things that might make me cry, or stomp my foot, or vent for hours, or make me dance around in a glorious circle..those things are the things that make me into the person that is capable of moving back and forth between these two lives. Those are the things that make me lovable, and make me happy and sad. Those things that encourage me to FEEL even when I have spent so much of my life telling myself I shouldn't.

I'm pretty much just a normal person. Sometimes I might be better at expressing weird feelings like this that we all have, but I'm just generally pretty normal. I feel confident that if anyone reads this, they will relate to something that I've said. That's the beauty of humanity sometimes, I think. We never have to worry about anyone else being like us because we are fully and completely ourselves and no one else. However, there are parts of all of us that overlap. These are the things that draw people to us, the things that keep people in our lives. These are the things that make us friends.

So many little things that have so many purposes. Just give them a chance.