Everybody, Everybody wants to be loved.

I feel like everything about right now doesn't make sense. The indescribable feeling of wanting to cry everyday when I wake up, and fluctuating between that feeling and a feeling of excitement, and a feeling of missing people who I am still with, and a feeling of long distance with people and distances only getting longer as I go.

I have so many feelings and I'm not sure what to do with any of them. Writing seems about like the last thing I should be doing, but like I've realized this week, some things you just can't push your way through. You have to stop and breathe and remember that even though it feels like this whirlwind of change and emotions is going to rip at your soul forever, it's really only a couple of weeks, and things will mostly adjust the way they're supposed to. And I'll be home in October, which is really not that far away.

But, sometimes, the worst feelings I have are the ones that tell me it doesn't matter if I'll be back in October. Like, my life is going to move on to Dayton and I'll have new separate things there. However, the lives here will also move on without me. I don't even know what I'm supposed to do. To be honest, there's nothing I can do. Life's just happening all around me, and I don't have a choice except to just live it.

As one of my best friends pointed out to me, mostly, I just don't like knowing. She reminded me how well I will adjust and how I probably won't have any trouble making friends or finding where I belong...I don't like all of the unknowns. I don't like not knowing what's going on in North Canton, I don't like not knowing what classes I'm taking, or not knowing what I'm doing with my life. Or knowing who I'm going to get to stay friends with when I leave, or knowing who the friends I'm going to make at school are going to be. There's so incredibly many unknowns and I just don't even know what else I don't know and it makes me crazy. But she reminded me that that is life.

And soon, very soon, I venture into this unknown that very quickly is becoming my life.
Which, as my roommates have told me, might be a little cramped.